The Journey Continues: One Year into the Course

I came across the following reflections written in July 2018, a little over a year from when I was first introduced to A Course in Miracles and started to study the Text:

When I decided to join Emily Bennington’s Facebook group, I made a snap decision.  Except I believe it was a guided decision that I snapped to because it was what I was meant to do.  Even though I had been aware of the Course for maybe twenty years, having seen it in bookstores and wondered about it, I knew next to nothing about it. 

So the first surprise was to learn that the author of A Course in Miracles, which was scribed by Helen Schuchman from the mid 1960s to the mid 1970s, is considered to be Jesus because of the references to himself in historical and Biblical terms.  I wasn’t particularly concerned about this.  In fact, even though I had stopped attending church and had not considered myself a Christian for some years, two to three years ago prior to my introduction to the Course, I started to feel close to Jesus.  I thought this was particularly odd and that I was imagining it, but I really did feel close to him and marvelled at the fact that I had never felt this close to him, or particularly close to him for that matter, in all the years I professed him as my saviour.  As described in a previous post, I remember during quiet times when I was alone, thinking about Jesus and thinking about how I felt much closer to him since I stopped being a Christian.  So before I started studying the Course, I had a sense of Jesus’ presence in my life although I didn’t really know or understand why he was present and what I was supposed to do with his presence.  Now I believe it was a lead-up to studying the Course.

It is a course in miracles and the first chapter talks about miracles.  Not the kind of miracles that usually come to mined for example turning water into wine, healing the sick (although yes that is a feature of the Course), the flashy kind of things that make your head spin.  In the first chapter Jesus is talking about each one of us doing miracles, which are natural expressions of love. He goes on to say that everything that comes from love is a miracle and that giving miracles should become habitual to us.

Words that keep being repeated are miracle, healing, involuntary, reality, God’s will, inner altar.  We are told that no effort is wasted, which is a good thing because otherwise it would be easy to become disheartened that what we are doing is worthless. We hear a lot about the Atonement and how the Resurrection is the Atonement and that the Crucifixion was only meant to show that we are eternal and regardless of what happens to our bodies, we cannot be destroyed.  The Last Judgement is actually we ourselves judging and atoning for our actions.  It does not involve a tyrannical God sitting in judgement over us and damning us to hell.

We learn that we are all (including Jesus) part of the Sonship and that we are all one.  So anything that is done to any member of the Sonship is done to all.  ‘Christ’ refers to the entire Sonship, not to Jesus alone.

Then comes the big rollout of the ego.  It becomes clear that we are ego driven and everything that does not work in our lives is because we have chosen to be ‘fathered’ by the ego and refuse to acknowledge our real Father, whom we have never left.  We are in a dream of our own making because we chose to separate and make an ego.  

I learned how we made a god of sickness; that we cannot be sick because we are perfect.

What has worked for me in using the Course on a practical level in my day-to-day life:

I found a photo album, the old style slip-in type for smaller photos. I wrote some of the quotes from the Course that really spoke to me and slipped them into this.  I used to carry this around and it was really great to pick it up and read it when I felt challenged or low.  I lost this and created a printed photobook with quotes and prayers on each page.

I learned about overlooking ‘errors’ of others, of blessing those who may treat us in a way that makes the ego feel threatened.  I found that when I blessed my husband Jerome when he was ‘acting insanely’, his errors were non-existent and I felt good and he didn’t feel threatened.  At the time I was doing it, it was fantastic.

I memorised prayers such as the Atonement Prayer and repeat them nearly every day.  This helps me to stay focused.

I have established a morning quiet time and an evening quiet time.  In the morning I say a prayer and attempt to dedicate my day to God.  At night I offer my night to the Holy Spirit and end the day with the intention to sleep “sure of my safety, certain of Your Love and happily aware that I am Your son”.

My home life has at times been so much better and calmer because I have been applying what I am learning.  But not always so of course, because the ego will continue to re-assert its dominance.

I have become so much more aware of how I react.  Even when I am reacting there is awareness of why this is happening and at least some of the time I am able to change tack.

I see how I project and how this allows me to be the blameless one and make someone else, usually Jerome, to be the cause or the one to blame.  Jerome is aware of this and calls me out on this often.

I know I am on the right track and I want to, and pray that I will, use the Course to continue to grow and return to who I really am.

I found these reflections heartening and am surprised about how much of the essence of the Course I was already expressing after only a short period of study. It’s also good to be reminded of this essence, because at times I get bogged down by wanting to understand every word and nuance expressed by Jesus. This is definitely another way in which my ego tries to slow down my progress and I acknowledge this and journey on with renewed vigour.