The Move Part II – The Hard Part

Once the contract was signed, and the cooling-off period ended, we launched into the next phase of our journey, the most difficult and potentially most stressful part of the process.

Jerome is a planner who likes to organise in a way that is logical and meaningful to him. I consider myself to be very organised but in a typical right-brained way; my organisational skills, while also involving spreadsheets as his does, are more intuitive.  When I embark on a project I don’t have a clear plan, more a roughly defined idea of the steps and stages, with a clear end destination. I know the steps along the way will evolve and change with the process. Jerome set up a spreadsheet outlining the timeframe from sale to move, detailing specific activities required and deadlines by which the activities were to be completed. Some of this made sense to me, but some seemed arbitrary.

The sale contract specified a 90-day settlement so we had nearly three months to sort out all the aspects of the move. First, we got quotes from removalists. Doing an online inventory of our belongings, those items we were planning to take with us, was laborious and time-consuming and we spent several hours on this. Each company had a different template and different parameters. We eventually settled on one.  Next we organised insurance which we would need while the goods were in storage in Queensland until we moved into our new home.

My resistance to following Jerome’s timelines resulted in discord between us.  I wondered why he was so dogmatic when I knew we would get the job done. Gradually I came to see things his way, more or less. I experienced how long it took to pack a single box, especially when it involves memorabilia and items of sentimental value, trying to decide what to keep, what to give away, and so on.  I made several trips to op shops (charity shops) and also donated clothing to be sent to Sri Lanka along with provisions, because of the hardships being experienced by many as a result of the economic crisis in that country.

I also saw how much more there was to a move than just packing some boxes. It seemed that the minute I got one thing done ten others popped up. But we were working together as a team and I felt myself up to the task, at least some of the time.

Whenever I started to feel overwhelmed I stopped and had a moment of quiet time and used Workbook practices:

I place the future in the Hands of God (Lesson 194)

Fear is not justified in any form (Lesson 240)

I have no cause for anger or for fear, for you surround me. And with every need that I perceive, your grace suffices me’ (Lesson 348)

From time to time I felt anxiety about the next stage, that is, questions about what it would be like once we were actually in Queensland, whether I would manage the heat, and whether we would find a suitable home to buy. I repeatedly communicated with the Holy Spirit, secure in the knowledge that He was guiding this move and I had simply to go along with each step, trusting the next would be revealed. This made the whole process so much more manageable.

Even though we had lived in this house for 22 years, I did not feel emotionally attached to it. I tend not to be sentimental about places and things, maybe stemming from the time when, at 19 years of age, I left behind my family and everything that mattered, to move to a strange, foreign land. When people asked me whether I was sad about leaving my home, I could truthfully say no I wasn’t.

I would be surprised if any couple who have gone through the process of planning a move would say that it went smoothly and it wasn’t a strain on the relationship. We both lost our tempers countless times.  When he did, I felt he was being unfair and when I did I felt justified. Our egos butted against each other constantly. It was exhausting at times.

The suggested practice in the commentary for the Chapter 4 review helped me immensely at the time: My mission here is very simple. I have been chosen to live so as to demonstrate that I am not an ego, and I accept this mission gladly.

As with virtually everything I do in my life, I was judging my prowess and expertise when packing; am I doing it just right? Am I grouping together the right items? Janet pointed out that we tell ourselves that we act imperfectly and so we are imperfect.  It’s all about me, it’s in my hands, God is out of the picture and we are denying the truth of our creation.  The reality is that we are already perfect.  Perfection is in God’s hands, not in mine.  I’m already perfect.  My packing may not be perfect but it doesn’t change my perfection.

An excerpt from an email to Janet during this time: About the photos, to be honest I have gone from being such a devotee of photos and albums, especially when the girls were younger, to being quite blase about them, probably since I became a fan of Marie Kondo and more so since I have been a Course student.  It was not at all difficult to throw away some photos and over the past few years and especially with the move, I have thrown away lots.  Mind you, I still have about 10 big albums that I am carting up to Qld.  I don’t have the time now to cull anymore, but there will be a lot more culling taking place.

As well as packing, clearing, and giving stuff away, many other tasks needed to be completed.  I spent half a day cleaning the oven, which was a messy and onerous task but gave me a real sense of satisfaction once done. We organised two hard rubbish collections through the Council, one at the start of the process and one towards the end. Jerome cleaned out the garage with the help of family members, another huge task. It seemed never ending but we started to see an end in sight.

About three weeks before settlement I scattered some of Buddy’s ashes in the backyard. Buddy was our beloved dog who had ruled our lives for 16 1/2 years before dying of old age five years previous. I had not considered myself an animal lover until Buddy came into our lives and wormed his way into my heart. We had not gotten around to scattering his ashes and the girls and I wanted to scatter them in the backyard, where Buddy roamed all the time when he wasn’t indoors. They had previously scattered some and left some for me. I was surprised at how emotional I was. I didn’t expect to cry so much and feel so sad. It was cathartic, a final goodbye to our beautiful Buddy.

About 10 days before the settlement date I wrote to Janet: We are almost done with the packing.  I decided to cancel a couple of social engagements that I had planned, to meet former colleagues and to go to a party for my nephew’s son’s 3rd birthday.  The number of people who are testing positive for COVID has increased dramatically and people we know, including my brother-in-law, have contracted it for the second time.  With Jerome just recovering from the flu, he pointed out to me that the next two weeks are critical (the removalist picks up our belongings on August 4) and that if one of us were to get COVID it would have a significant impact on getting through to the removal of stuff and the settlement.  I agreed and decided to focus on what was at hand and not worry about anything else.  As it is, if I had gone to that party, I would have been exposed to COVID.

Finally, the packing finished, we checked all the boxes and made sure they were labelled correctly. Everything was ready for the removalist.  As our beds had been dismantled for the move, we stayed overnight at my sister’s and drove to the house early the next morning. The removalists were professional and quick. In less than two hours all our belongings were packed and on their way to storage in Queensland.

The last two days before settlement we cleaned.  A friend of a friend, whom I have known for many years but wasn’t particularly close to, was the angel who turned up at this stage of the process.  She had offered to help when we met each other weeks earlier, but I hadn’t planned to call on her. On the day of settlement, she rang me and offered again. The next day she came armed with her vacuum cleaner and the three of us worked systematically over two days to get the house clean and ready for its new owners.

Jerome had made copious notes for the new owners, giving them detailed information he felt they needed. Such a generous move on his part. 

We did the rounds and said goodbye to our neighbours.  One of the biggest positives about where we lived was our lovely neighbours, some of whom had lived in the court even longer than us and some more recent arrivals. We had mutual trust and respect for each other and knew that we could rely on each other.

We took one last look at our home of 22 years and drove away.

God goes with me wherever I go. (Lesson 41)

(NOTE: When I talk about ‘the Course’ I am referring to A Course in Miracles and when I refer to Janet, this is a reference to my Course teacher)