Turning 70

And the love of daughters for their mother.

I turned 70 last year. I faced this milestone birthday with much less trepidation than I did turning 40, 50 and 60. The thought that most of my life was behind me didn’t arouse strong feelings of regret or strong feelings of any sort. As is probably the case with many people who have grown older and somewhat wiser with the passing years, in many ways I felt more alive than I when I was much younger. I have a fulfilling spiritual life. I am financially secure and no longer pursue material goals. I have two adult children who have grown into beautiful, mature beings. I live in a lovely part of the country and my focus is now on being helpful in any way I can, and being a healing presence everywhere I go. If I can continue on this trajectory for however many years I have left, I will feel that my mission is accomplished.

Now back to the story of my birthday. In the months leading up to the date, my daughters asked me repeatedly what I want to do for my birthday. They were both planning to travel to Queensland, one from another state and one from overseas, to help me celebrate. I knew I would like to mark it in some special way, but I didn’t want to throw a party or celebrate in the conventional sense. I also didn’t want to go overseas, bearing in mind this meant expenses for the family which I didn’t want to impose on them. Being married to someone to whom a birthday is just another day, who doesn’t believe in milestone birthdays and celebration of birthdays in general, especially his own birthday, meant I was even less motivated to celebrate.

A couple of months before my birthday, a wise friend pointed out to me that it was likely that my daughters wanted to celebrate me and with me, creating memories for themselves and for me. I knew she was right and this changed my perspective. It might be nice to visit one of the many islands surrounding the Gold Coast, where I live. When I mentioned this to the family my younger daughter Kelly immediately found an AirBNB on MacLeay Island which was available at the time and would fit us all in. I booked the house and when ferry bookings opened, I booked us and our car on the ferry.

The arrival of the ‘birthday gang’ was immediately preceded by a visit from my sister-in-law Simone and her husband and my father-in-law, who live in Los Angeles. It was a very busy and special three weeks and turned out to be the last time we would see Dad. My father-in-law took ill and passed away suddenly in early October. We travelled to LA for the funeral and were thankful we had time with him so recently.

So when my daughters and Kelly’s partner Dave arrived shortly after the departure of our LA family, we had already been very busy for three weeks and I wasn’t looking forward to making plans for the trip. I needn’t have worried. My daughters, having already been in communication about plans for the birthday, were in full flight. They had made lists and went grocery shopping to buy food and snacks to take. Unbeknownst to me, Kelly had also ordered a cake from a patisserie on the Gold Coast, which was transported along with games and other essentials. All I had to do was pack my bag. Everything else was taken care of.

On the day before my birthday, we headed to the Redland Bay Ferry Terminal and boarded the ferry. In less than half an hour we arrived on the island and made our way to a pub where we had a lovely lunch. We then checked in to the Air BNB. It was the perfect location for a quick getaway. The house was spacious and comfortable, with a back patio running the length of the house, with lovely views of the ocean. I spent a lot of time swinging in the egg chair and watching the view and the abundant birdlife (at one point there were four kookaburras in the branch overhead). Or sitting quietly reading a book or simply contemplating. It was magic. As it was mid-winter, the evenings and mornings were cold but we were lucky not to have rain.

A journal entry I wrote on the evening of our first day, my birthday eve, started with “This has been one of the happiest and most fulfilling days of my life. And the day is far from over.” Kelly cooked dinner that first day and afterwards we played Scattegories and Cluedo.

A further excerpt from my diary on my birthday:
What a perfect birthday looks like. I didn’t sleep all that well and woke up at 5am. Got out of bed at 6.45, went to the lounge and the first thing I noticed were balloons everywhere that the girls had blown up and left the previous night. Then I noticed a large banner hanging on the bookcase which said Happy 70^th Birthday, made by Hol by pinning mauve ribbon to a large square of material.

There were cards and gifts on the table, with ‘love you mum’ in cut out letters and a fruit arrangement by Kel.

When the girls woke up, I opened my cards and gifts. The girls always write such beautiful words in cards which really touch me. This year was no exception. They had written a poem about me getting a tattoo and gave me eftpos cards towards it. We were apparently to get identical tattoos in December when we would all be in Melbourne. They also gave me a beautiful necklace with the letters H and K on either side.

Dave gave me a book recommended by Kel, which I am so happy with: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Apparently it’s been around for years and it’s a 12 week course on discovering and releasing your creative self. I am delighted and I started reading it shortly after.

Everything was going smoothly and I was conscious of my ego saying that it wasn’t going to last, that something would go wrong. When families get together there is always potential for drama! I wanted my birthday to be a perfect day like the previous day, and I needn’t have worried; it was. All I had to do was relax and enjoy every minute.

Here is where I want to express my feelings of gratitude for my amazing daughters. The extent to which they planned and executed this perfect birthday moved me so much. The love they have for me is indescribable and it was borne out in the big and little things: the gifts and cards, the minute planning of every detail of the time away, from each of them planning a dinner that they prepared, to snacks and all the little details like balloons, the Happy Birthday sign, an amazing cake. Before we left they put so much effort into packing everything including games. I could go on but suffice to say I was overwhelmed and in awe and also pretty proud of these two amazing women and that I had something to do with who they are. I am truly humbled and grateful.

We had a lovely birthday lunch at a local restaurant. We enjoyed the house and the glorious view of the ocean from the back patio. There was so much bird life and several kookaburras who came and sat on the railing and on the trees nearby and a cockatoo the morning we were leaving.

I had a perfect first day when we went to the house and I was so worried about stuffing it up in some way and so keen to have an amazing birthday which I did. After dinner prepared by Holly, the girls brought out the cake and sang happy birthday. The cake was delicious – an almond gluten free cake. We danced for a bit, mostly Dave and I. Played a trivia game about me devised by the girls. The questions were about Rukmani and at the end we compared notes to see who knew me the best. Then more games.

70 doesn’t feel old. I look forward to the New Year and new beginnings as I am going to be a Grandma for the first time. New adventures abound.